z500

You win a free trip to the Hague

Apparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs

If it makes you feel any better that horse wasn’t the one that killed him

Monkey’s paw: your teeth would also be as sensitive as the head of a penis

I’m already 2 years older than Mozart was when he died, the fuck am I even doing with my life

But I can still keep the dinosaur, right?

Gussy

Damn dude, save some pussy for the rest of us

“You guys are still staffing window 1?”

Thank

I’m sorry your ice cream doesn’t have any sugar in it

Nice, very trochaic

If your girl wears a pickelhaube and united the German states, that’s not your girl

12/10

You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like

Normalize constructing an ominous orb completely out of obsidian and placing it in the San Francisco Bay.

Similar to hump-catting

Harambe’s death was the nexus connecting all timelines

I’ve found my people

Apparently I spin clockwise in bed because my pajamas are always all the way to the left when I wake up

Illuminati confirmed