We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town!

Nah. When the powers that be are strong enough, they can stop denying things and just do stuff openly. “What’re you going to do about it? Nothing. That’s what.”

Sucks to suck.

What are you doing, step-prompt

Takes me back to the HAARP conspiracy days of taking out your SIM card and eating it raw

He’d just be doing the Sam Kinison scream after about three seconds. OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Stop. Don’t. Come back.

Helicopter!

Garf Dice Clay: “I’m ova heah now!”

Aayyy, Big Balls is back! Guess he didn’t learn his lesson the first time.

That dude literally walked through life like a rube on the boardwalk holding a balloon and wearing a propeller beanie. Easiest mark in the world.

Why own a car if it can’t do a round-trip weekend excursion or haul a bit of furniture?

The overall point I’m getting here is that yes, that’s a fine expectation to have. But do you really need a King Ranch Super Duty just to go to the airport twice a year?

Supposedly the good ones are Solovair, who made Docs at one point (probably when the warranty was still offered). But I doubt that few, if any shoes are made well anymore.

Gotta use the freezer-grade aluminum foil too.

It’s based on an ancient internet ritual known as “hot or not”

We need a national alert to go out. I won’t even mind being woken up for it.

Bonus comic

The endnotes are the best part, honestly.

Fully expected it to be recycled Boost Mobile, complete with the chirp.

I bet there’s FIFA reusable bottle merch. Also, I recall venues took away our bottle caps because of popping bottles being mistaken for gunshots a few years ago, so you have to pray nothing gets slipped into it, or that it gets knocked over, or that you have to go into the bathroom with an open container. I’d call everyone getting fucking sloshed on beers instead a greater risk to the environment.