I Need a device like this that I can buy through an actual store, as I need to buy them for my office. Do you know any?

It does not even matter if it has ip connection, just usb is fine, but i need to be able to buy it from an “official” source.

Big atlantropa vibes!

Windows XP, but I was dual booting windows 95 and red hat 5 (not RHEL 5) in the 90s :)

No clue, but I would start by not referring to them as females, just a hunch.

Rust is more like: unless you can mathematically prove to me that this is equivalent to a nut there is no ducking way I’ll ever let you compiled this.

what about an eagle?

No one does this kind of stuff because someone asked them to do it. This is the kind of useless, insane stuff you do for the lulz, or because someone dared you.