There’s nothing more heterosexual than sex with another man. The vagina is too soft, feminine and accommodating. To raw-dog or be raw-dogged by another man takes strength, determination and perseverance. These are values that are exemplified in a healthy heterosexual relationship, therefore gay is straight and straight is gay.

Because of the way chromosomes work, all men start out as women. So every relationship is a lesbian relationship and therefore gay.

Perfectly fine unless you’re dating Edward Scissor Hands.

There’s nothing more American than the love between a man and a horse. Trump is a true red blooded all-American cowboy who isn’t afraid to do and say what we’re all thinking!

I remember this. There was a girl that basically ruined her jaw and teeth by drinking vinegar.

“Your wife didn’t have enough meat on her bones, bring in your eldest child on Monday.”

-Corporate

“You can have the funeral in the alley behind the restaurant during lunch. Throw your wife in the dumpster after you’re done.”

-Your manager

All of it is about control, it has nothing to do with logic. If you understand this, fighting these idiots becomes much easier. You’re not dealing with reasonable adults, you’re dealing with a bunch of giant upset babies that don’t want to get sent to their room.

I’m over at the next train stop selling underpants and fur suits. Use the code #trainpissorgy to for a 30 percent discount.

Hell, not even that. You could become a world class boxer or UFC fighter. You can basically slip any punch or attack instantly and you can teleport your fists into the sweet spot to score a knockout. You would be an amazing baseball player as well, you can teleport to perfectly hit any ball at just the right angle. As a quarterback you would be insane too, you can readjust to any play instantly. In fencing you’d basically be unstoppable, you can dodge everything. For any sport or physical activity being able to teleport 7 inches is insanely overpowered. The person who came up with this doesn’t play any sports.

Alright, the only way we can defeat religion is with cookouts and community events

I wonder if there’s anyone alive right now who would be capable of such a task.

Show me where I’m wrong

You seem troubled. If you’re ever in Amsterdam, let me know and I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me about what’s bothering you.

I’d only care if she was played by Pedro Pascal.

Can I be a house? A house has a title, a well defined role and is transferable

Those people don’t exist, we all know that people with severe ADHD walk into the forest at 29 and become trees. Let’s go back to pretending ADHD is not a problem for adults.