CPU = Chief Party Unicorn

No, that’s lightly colored blood. Mostly on toilet paper. We’re looking for dark red blood here.

No, you’re being facetious. Go sit in the corner.

Absolutely not, we’re talking about a man who serves fast food to athletes.

Needless to say, you helpt him junk the computers and then you made banana bread together.

Thank you for your service

It was really strange to see some old comments I made in another language translated in English.

Zero points for me. I once wrote a cheque to pay my outstanding fee at my local video rental place (I was returning Time Cop) And then later I got home and sent my father a fax of younger brother’s foot and shoe size so he could buy some shoes for him while abroad on a business trip. I specifically remember that day because I rented Four Weddings and a Funeral which had just come out on VHS. This was probably 1994 or 1995. Now I feel old as fuck.

Your hair might become thinner but you wouldn’t necessarily go bald. My grandfather had a full head of hair when he passed away at 79. I don’t think his primary sex hormone was estrogen.

The moment you figure out where your poop is supposed to go, you’ll get a promotion. I guarantee it.

How many parts of you do I need to replace before you become someone else?

Hey buddy, I’ve had enough of you and your sensible opinions. Meet me in the parking lot of the Wallgreens on the corner of Coursey and Jones Creek in Baton Rouge on april 7th at 10 p.m. We’re going to fight to the death, no holds barred, shopping cart combos allowed, pistols only, no scope 360, tag team style, entourage allowed.

“Yes, but only if they bring bacon. Also, narwals?! Oh and look at my spork, lol!”

Also the 4 guy has a podcast and a social media presence and thousands of followers who are willing to back up his idiotic claims and silence anyone who disagrees.

The analog sticks have a set number of rotations after which they need to be replaced. Putting off brand analog sticks in the device will instantly brick it.

Why didn’t you want to go to the hotel in KL? Were upu worried you wouldn’t make your flight?

I’m in academia and I refuse to read papers without emojis. The english language is far too subtle and advanced to understand without the context given by emojis 🧐

He’s the laughing stock in his pack. Super humiliating stuff. I heard he started a youtube channel where he teaches other coyotes to be more alpha.

She might starfish but you can’t handle her when she goes through your phone at 4 a.m and asks you why this ‘mom’ woman keeps sending you good morning messages.

A piece of brie get you a one night stand, a slice of gouda gets you a date. Grated parmesan gets you a hand job. A steady supply of varied cheeses spread out over multiple months will get you a wife.

Of course every woman is different, but in general the age and quality of the cheese determines what you’ll receive in exchange.

And in case you’re wondering, a kraft single gets you a slap in the face.