Dharma Curious (he/him)

Yeah, the main character was based off of an ex girlfriend, who was a major goth/vamp girl, and Jewish.

All sizes are valid and wonderful. Just gotta teach them damn tops to use em

Two thing:

1, mistletoe? Was unaware of that lore.

B, when I worked nightshift security, I wrote an urban fantasy novel (that has since been lost :( ), in the form of security log entries about a guard working at a warehouse in a world with ooky spookies everywhere. Tons of funny shit, but my favorites were the feral werewolf pups that would occasionally get inside, and had to be scared off with the vacuum cleaner.

Also, the vampires who were sitting shiva for themselves.

The ghosts who were haunting the warehouse, but only on weekends and holidays, as a vacation.

I need to rewrite it. It was honestly some of my best writing

No, no, no, When life gives you lemons, don’t ~~ make lemonade~~ get whores.

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

That’s honestly a helluva chastity device. Ain’t no one tryna fuck with them on

Is there an actual translation of that text, I wonder?

No, not gross. Before I knew I was gay it more frustrating than anything. Like, I knew this was sexual, I knew I wanted to enjoy it, and I knew it made me horny. But it wasn’t enough to cross than line into, like, getting me there and being enjoyable. It wasn’t until I found my brother’s porn magazines that I really enjoyed porn, and that was because of the guys in it, and a few erotic stories in them written from women’s POV. I still didn’t realize I was gay or that it was the guys getting me there until one day, when I was like 13/14 and I had a blackberry. I found a site that had nude pictures of celebrities (some blog, not like a dedicated site), and there were (I’m assuming fake) nudes or Kirk Cameron on a boat. OMG, I got off so hard, and then went into full panic when I realized what that meant. Spent the next few years trying to figure out how to undo it. Lol.

My dad got these black market cable boxes from one of his less than reputable friends way back when. We got literally everything, including full porn channels that weren’t scrambled. They were technically blocked by my parents, but the family pincode was well known.

I used to watch the porn channels and never could figure out why they were so… Meh for me. Turns out, very gay. Lol

Once my parents split up we didn’t have those boxes anymore, and I used to watch Cat House and went through the same “why is this so frustratingly close to being good” experience lol

There are three lights!

That’s my power move. Just keep going until his knees buckle

I will never forgive you for giving in to my request. I need healthy boundaries set for me!

Sigh… Ruin my brain, please. I don’t know this one.

Honestly, that really does track with how shit works in here.

“The orphan crushing machine may contain components known to the state of California to cause cancer”

And we’re done! Fixed all the problems!

I mean, I guess it depends on where he’s keeping his phone while nude. He might enjoy a little nude pickpocketing, if he’s open minded, and the pickpocket has sufficient lube

I literally came here to post this same gif!

Really it depends. Truck fucking can be way more fun, if you can find somewhere to bend over the tailgate while getting railed. It’s really quite exhilarating. But if you’re in the cab, van is definitely better.

That’s hilarious. And that 5th grader is better at drawing (and has better handwriting) than me. Lmao

Iirc, she specifically said she was sorry for the picture, and sent an explanation. I just pretended I never got it

What’s the one on the bottom right?