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17 days agoyeah maybe we should let them cook for a bit
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Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: August 29th, 2023
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Your original comment was saying that the term is inherently derogatory and offensive. I’m trying to explain that in this case I don’t accept the framework of a derogatory terms but rather derogatory usages. That’s like, my opinion. As a self identified tranny, who still identifies as such in a non porn context. As do lots of my friends on twitter.
Feel like we’ve already been over all this back when some people online decided “queer” is always a slur and started aggressively trying to police people from using it…
oh it was like, expressing desire to access the wheelhouse rather than questioning whether it exists D: sorry
Hm it might be good to have a conversation about cw policy on lemmy actually. If you post something I’ll upvote it
there’s other trans communities and other social norms online than r/mtf on reddit. People should be allowed to call themselves what they like imo, and you should probably try to make sure of the user’s actual stance before policing their language.
It’s weird, it’s like a four way conflict between trans women, cis crossdressers, well meaning cis allies speaking over the former, and transphobes.
I think people should be allowed to call themselves what they like personally
They’re both affected by transmisogyny and queerphobia? This shouldn’t be hard to understand
Lemmy instances usually have a public modlog, you can look it up if you like
although this hits kinda different when you’re also depressed enough you wouldn’t mind disappearing
in 2021 (and 2016) we had a Russian woman wearing a witcher pendant everyone liked.
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/4xivob/this_russian_shooter_has_a_witcher_medallion_from/
yeah iirc his will asked to be identified as “local sexpot” in the obituary.
2·3 months agothis is a PTSD thing right?
Ok I went and looked it up, the original question in the screenshot was about specifically dating and specifically trans men. Not a one night stand, and not someone who likes being a woman
Potentially yes, they can exhibit similar patterns. In fact lots of cishet women have also complained about being objectified because their (potential) dating partner is attracted not to the whole package but to a specific part of them- it’s a classic feminist talking point. The “chaser” label gets added when the person being objectified is marked as deviant in some way. But it’s def not just cishet men who are capable of it.
It’s not just being attracted, it’s being attracted conditional on the person having x characteristic (that they might not even want to have). That’s the very definition of fetishizing/objectifying and it’s not toxic to criticize it.
I will grant that this is more of an issue for relationships than for hookups etc. As a wise woman once said- chasers are gross, but they also help pay her rent, so really it’s impossible to say if they’re bad or not.
So yeah, I can see why a queer friendly instance would defederate an instance whose admins promote/defend that sort of rhetoric. Hexbear might have jumped the gun (as I told them at the time) but the blahaj admins weren’t great either
To use an analogy, imagine you’re fat and trying to lose weight. Someone admits they are attracted to you, “sure, as long as you’re still fat”. Can you see how this would not be a good basis for a healthy relationship?
People are sensitive because being denied full/legitimate relationships is a frequent pain point for trans people (esp trans women). The classic trope is the boyfriend who will take you on dates but refuse to introduce you to his friends/relatives.
My go to example for “we should have let them cook” is https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/OGAS