It’s called Gatekeeping, you wouldn’t understand because it was before your time.

Don’t worry, they probably wrote it to themselves for internet likes.

Bigfoot would like to address your concerns.

First, let’s clear the air. Yes, Bigfoot met with Hillary Clinton, once. The purpose was simple. To discuss whether America was ready for a cryptid in the Oval Office. In 2016, the conclusion was clear. America was not ready.

A lot has changed since then.

In the years that followed, I met with representatives from the Democratic National Committee, and together we agreed that my policies, and frankly, my image, would be better received in a post-Trump democracy. The country has grown. The Overton window has shifted. The vibes are different.

On policy, a Bigfoot administration would deliver federally legal marijuana and common-sense abortion laws that prioritize human women while respecting reality, natural science, and personal freedom.

Now, about my citizenship. There seems to be some confusion due to the fact that my listed residence is a redwood tree in Northern California. Let me be very clear: I was born here. I am a natural-born American. Multiple woodland creatures are prepared to testify under oath, including my beautiful deer wife.

My strongest policies will be concerning immigration and recent ICE misconduct. Under my administration, ICE and DHS would be rebuilt from the ground up with clear accountability and policies that would never allow the abuses we see today. Bigfoot has learned to coexist with humanity and I will take what I learned into action.

After all, my best friend, Chupacabra, immigrated here from Mexico. He’s a living example of how immigrants strengthen our economy and communities. He went from scuttling among rocks and occasionally siphoning goat blood to becoming a successful American entrepreneur in real estate and investment. That’s the American Dream!

Let me be clear! Bigfoot will stomp out corruption in 2028.

People are already making merch. At least I’d know Bigfoot would be pro-conservation.

Think my math was incorrect.

1/3 hotdog, 1/3 parakeet, 1/3 Timothy

I’ll actually apologize for doing this.

It’s apparently the latest TikTok trend. My wife mentioned it and I thought there needed to be an image because I couldn’t find one.

Also the song was horribly insensitive to Native Americans, so he deserves becoming a joke.

ChatGPT, how do I erase this evidence that Trump had Epstein murdered? Here are all the unredacted files for review.

Done 👍

I like the suggestions to save money and lower usage.

“Have you tried living in complete darkness this month? You could save $2 off your bill!”

“Perhaps try not using electricity this month. Or, consider getting a second source of income to turn on your fridge for a few hours a day!”

And my AUX!

Yeah I’ve had a prominent widows peak since my hair grew in. Lot of comments about how I looked like Dracula or Eddie Munster. Got bad enough I tried shaving it in highschool, which honestly looked way way worse.

Morale of the story, men can have different hairlines that are not straight across. Just own it.

I got yah, just send me $1,000 in bitcoin if it was worth the fap.

Trying to focus on my second screen with mature gay porn playing on it instead.

Gimli: Never thought I’d get violated sitting side-by-side with an Elf.

Legolas: How about getting violated with a friend?

Gimli: Aye. I could do that.

The ultimate solution.

Close

Pokemon Go up my butt.