Well I don’t really work right now, I came into a family trust when my last surviving parent passed away. Right now I spend my leisure time as I like, mainly writing and doing a lot of walking (we’re on a private reserve) and also I’m re-learning to play the piano and just started to dabble in acrylic painting. I feel like I’m always busy though - but not bored, which is a nice place to be in.
Even when I was working (in healthcare) I took time to read and do the things I enjoy. Usually on weekends or when I had a free slice of time. I know the grind of having to pay bills and how it consumes your energy, and that is a hard reality.
I hope you find time to indulge in what you love most anyway - however you can. Believe me just having tons of leisure time isn’t as great as you’d think. It’s how you fill the time that really matters.
I can’t find time and honestly I don’t think I enjoy most things anymore. my rest time is spent thinking about how I should be doing something to change my situation. instead do nothing/watch TV series and then feel bad about it 😅
you mentioned piano. I had a lot of fun with it for a few months until I started to feel “wanted time”.
a few years ago I bought one, learned the basics and started to feel that feeling of wasting time. at first, I actually had fun with it. it was so interesting learning/practicing. I just couldn’t justify time spent anymore. it’s stored away now.
can’t even play video games anymore which I loved because… can’t enjoy them with this constant feeling of having to do something productive that actually helps/improve my life. tired of this feeling. I’ve been feeling it for the last 20 years. it’s gotten bad lately.
my life desperately needs to improve financially. that’s my hard reality.
I’ve been there. I used to hate having to work 8 to 5 (here in Utah there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 job) every day just to pay bills. I was always creatively inclined and having to do boring work for someone else just didn’t cut it at all. And made me very depressed.
For me, being older now, I don’t really feel any need to “be productive and improve my life.” I just do what feels good and if it’s just sitting watching TV, I’m fine with it.
And yes I do play video games also. I have been playing since the 80s and it’s truly just a part of my lifestyle. Plus, it makes me feel like I’m at least doing something interactive instead of just passively watching a TV screen.
Anyway all I can say is, things have improved for me since getting older. I hope they will for you also and that you find a way to make your days enjoyable without feeling pressured by those “inner voices” to do something productive.
Well don’t take that one way trip to nowhere. For one thing, it only hands all the power over to the people who dislike you to begin with. For another, your one life is too valuable to lose. If you don’t believe me ask those kids in hospitals dying of cancer if they’d trade you places in an instant.
The truth is if you are that depressed you should do yourself the biggest possible kindness and get some counseling to help you out, just as you would get help with any other illness. Also - you can make the life you want, even if it isn’t everything you dreamed of. When things are that terrible, the only healthy option is change.
I’d trade with a dying kid. its okay, I’m just exhausted of the requirements for a “decent/basic” life.
ive thought about changing what I consider “decent/basic”… but… energy.
about the one way trip… it was a dark day. but it’s always there in the background as a possible “solution/option”
I usually fantasize about having a terminal disease. or an accident. something out of my control that releases me from any “responsability” about not being strong enough to do what it takes to “succeed”/survive. like having a 9-5 job. I’ve had one for 3 years. worst time of my life. honestly I don’t know how I survived… the occasional beer with a friend that felt the same way and hope probably
I’m on meds (psychiatrist, and Concerta helped with basic things like doing bed and dishes) and recently tried psychologist as well. I quit after 5 sessions because I just felt we were going in circles. I already had thought about the options/solutions the psychologist gave me so… nothing new.
and 50 euros (cheap comparing to competition) per hour is kinda expensive for my budget. “find your passion”
yeah. I’ve been trying my whole life. I just get bored at some point, force to keep it going until I can’t anymore and quit.
anyway, thanks for the kind words.
hopefully I didn’t trigger anyone with my hopelessness
free time to actually do stuff without feeling guilty? the dream.
what do you do now? is it bearable?
Well I don’t really work right now, I came into a family trust when my last surviving parent passed away. Right now I spend my leisure time as I like, mainly writing and doing a lot of walking (we’re on a private reserve) and also I’m re-learning to play the piano and just started to dabble in acrylic painting. I feel like I’m always busy though - but not bored, which is a nice place to be in.
damn. that’s nice. wish I could do that 🤣 focus on my hobbies, actually rest, be able to read and enjoy a book.
i have daydreamt about that my entire life 😅
unfortunately I have to find something that pays the bills AND that is bearable. that’s the hard part.
Even when I was working (in healthcare) I took time to read and do the things I enjoy. Usually on weekends or when I had a free slice of time. I know the grind of having to pay bills and how it consumes your energy, and that is a hard reality.
I hope you find time to indulge in what you love most anyway - however you can. Believe me just having tons of leisure time isn’t as great as you’d think. It’s how you fill the time that really matters.
I can’t find time and honestly I don’t think I enjoy most things anymore. my rest time is spent thinking about how I should be doing something to change my situation. instead do nothing/watch TV series and then feel bad about it 😅
you mentioned piano. I had a lot of fun with it for a few months until I started to feel “wanted time”.
a few years ago I bought one, learned the basics and started to feel that feeling of wasting time. at first, I actually had fun with it. it was so interesting learning/practicing. I just couldn’t justify time spent anymore. it’s stored away now.
can’t even play video games anymore which I loved because… can’t enjoy them with this constant feeling of having to do something productive that actually helps/improve my life. tired of this feeling. I’ve been feeling it for the last 20 years. it’s gotten bad lately.
my life desperately needs to improve financially. that’s my hard reality.
I’ve been there. I used to hate having to work 8 to 5 (here in Utah there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 job) every day just to pay bills. I was always creatively inclined and having to do boring work for someone else just didn’t cut it at all. And made me very depressed.
For me, being older now, I don’t really feel any need to “be productive and improve my life.” I just do what feels good and if it’s just sitting watching TV, I’m fine with it.
And yes I do play video games also. I have been playing since the 80s and it’s truly just a part of my lifestyle. Plus, it makes me feel like I’m at least doing something interactive instead of just passively watching a TV screen.
Anyway all I can say is, things have improved for me since getting older. I hope they will for you also and that you find a way to make your days enjoyable without feeling pressured by those “inner voices” to do something productive.
if I don’t find a job that is bearable I don’t think I’ll reach being much older. ive even been looking into one way tickets as a “one last thing” 😅
Well don’t take that one way trip to nowhere. For one thing, it only hands all the power over to the people who dislike you to begin with. For another, your one life is too valuable to lose. If you don’t believe me ask those kids in hospitals dying of cancer if they’d trade you places in an instant.
The truth is if you are that depressed you should do yourself the biggest possible kindness and get some counseling to help you out, just as you would get help with any other illness. Also - you can make the life you want, even if it isn’t everything you dreamed of. When things are that terrible, the only healthy option is change.
I’d trade with a dying kid. its okay, I’m just exhausted of the requirements for a “decent/basic” life. ive thought about changing what I consider “decent/basic”… but… energy.
about the one way trip… it was a dark day. but it’s always there in the background as a possible “solution/option”
I usually fantasize about having a terminal disease. or an accident. something out of my control that releases me from any “responsability” about not being strong enough to do what it takes to “succeed”/survive. like having a 9-5 job. I’ve had one for 3 years. worst time of my life. honestly I don’t know how I survived… the occasional beer with a friend that felt the same way and hope probably
I’m on meds (psychiatrist, and Concerta helped with basic things like doing bed and dishes) and recently tried psychologist as well. I quit after 5 sessions because I just felt we were going in circles. I already had thought about the options/solutions the psychologist gave me so… nothing new. and 50 euros (cheap comparing to competition) per hour is kinda expensive for my budget. “find your passion” yeah. I’ve been trying my whole life. I just get bored at some point, force to keep it going until I can’t anymore and quit.
anyway, thanks for the kind words. hopefully I didn’t trigger anyone with my hopelessness