That and solution driven language. Instead of going "you aren't doing chore x" it's "I need chore x to be done more frequently, here's what I'm willing to commit to doing for it" and then they share what they are realistically able to deliver, and then you negotiate until some sort of compromise is reached. Of course that requires good faith. But if your relationship can't have that, maybe there shouldn't be a relationship.

What I find weird is I see people who can do this in their office job, but then completely fall to bring the same problem solving to their personal life.